Ok, so last night I had one of the worst shows of my life. I performed at a Christmas party for Little John's Auction Service. There were only two comedians on the show. Myself and my friend who I cannot name because he asked me not to. He said that he wanted to do his best to forget about the show. Also maybe he doesn't want publicity related to him bombing. Anyhow, we arrived at the party which was taking place at the The Phoenix Club in a giant tent in the field outside of the clubhouse. Immediately I was on edge. It was a brightly lit, the sound system was horrible. The sound only carried about halfway through the room. There were distractions everywhere. Food stands in every corner. A photo booth. Kids running around screaming. Surely this wasn't where we were performing. It was.

Apparently this was some sort of multicultural event because each of the food stands was from a different place. The irony? Only the pizza and fried chicken stands had lines. Everyone was White except for my friend and I who are Indian. I suppose we were part of the multicultural aspect of the event.

The DJ for the event was this idiot who was dressed up as Jack Frost. He went all out on his costume no doubt. But his manner of speaking still showed his lack of intellect through his costume. We asked him to do an announcement that comedy would start in five minutes and could everyone please take a seat. I've never seen a more timid approach to the microphone. He spoke into it like it was a snake that might bite him. No one heard the announcement. Party due to his nervous boy voice and mostly because the PA was barely audible.

Anyway, my friend goes up and bombs in totality. There are maybe 200 people there and I think only 5 people were paying attention. He was supposed to do 25 minutes and he only did 12. He brings me up. I bombed even harder than him. Even the 5 people who were paying attention to him turned their backs on me. I tried doing crowdwork with a woman that went no where. She turned away during our crowdwork and gave me the cold shoulder. Lil John was sitting in the front row. Lil John is nothing like the Lil Jon we know and love. This is a fat old white man who barely acknowledged us when we said hi to him. And he owns an auction house for guns. Go, picture him. He started holding his face during my set I was bombing so bad. I was getting so angry that no one was paying attention. Each time I told a joke to the sound of 200 people having side conversations I got madder and madder. Fuck these people. Who though this was a good idea. The person who organized this party was Ted Shred. Yes. Apparently this guy is some sort of stunt man in movies. Now he produces events. Christ, I hope to never be part of one of his events again.

Finally I tried a sex joke to get people moving. I thought maybe it would make them pay attention. It made one person pay attention. Lil John's wife. She pipes up and goes "Hey! There are children here! Not cool. Not cool." She gets up and leaves to talk to His Shredness (Ted Shred) and tells him to pull the show. My friend lights me and I get off the stage.

Ted Shred takes us out to the parking lot to have a discussion. He tries to not pay us for the show. My friend explains that he flew out from New York City to be at the show. Originally they were going to pay us $1500. Ted Shred docked us down to $1000. Believe me, the way I feel right now, it wouldn't have been worth it for $10k. After the show my friend and I went to Hooters because I believe it was the right mood for what had just happened. He was mad at me for causing us to lose $500. I think that's too simple of a way to look at it. He said I shouldn't have told a sex joke when I saw kids around. Yeah, that is true. But I think the bigger issue here is getting into that kind of situation and how to avoid it in the first place.

I thought a lot about things after that show. I realized that this is not the right way to do stand up. Christmas parties and other stupid corporate events are good for the money, but nothing else. But if I wanted to make money I would just go back to my life as a computer engineer. I was killing it in San Francisco. I decided that I'm only going to take gigs that get me closer to what I want to do. In fact, I have to think more deeply about what I want to do. There's so many options in LA. Improv, acting, writing, producing, stand up... I'm still mulling it over, but what I know now is that last night was an indication that things need to change.

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